All I Want

Dear Santa,

All I want for this year is for my new friends to get what they want. Here's my top ten list.

For my dishwasher, Fronting, you know the one with the gold grill, I want an alarm clock. So he can get his lazy ass to work before 4 in the afternoon, and pay some of his child support before Christmas.

For Beckdaul, my favorite morning cook with the liquor store robbing habit, please give him early parole. The man worked sixteen hours days to buy a DVD player for the St. Joe's children's hospital. You know the place, his wife is next door dieing of cancer.

For my new boss Steve, give him a new tooth to replace the one he broke off when he bit into the claw part of his chicken patty.

For Officer Mackerel Breath up at A-control, please give him a sex life. I am tired of having to take my coat off in front of him every morning and spinning around. I know I have a dangerous look to me but hey.

Please give offender 218769 a shirt with sleeves so I do not have to blush every him he flexes.

Give Ellis the meat guy some cooking talent other than the perfect recipe for meth. I have never tried meth, but I understand it tastes similar to his chicken. That and a stronger lock for the chemical room.

Please give my pop vendor a sense of humor. So next time I jump out at him and yell "Boogie-Boogie", he doesn't throw another wrench at me.

Please give the warden a new phone number and a false sense of security. I really miss our late night phone conversations.

Please give my warehouse guy a full nights sleep without a shake down from the overzealous guard to is looking for stolen snacky snacks. I need my inventory done dammit.

Please let the cops find all that Minnesota evidence I planted at The Rocks house. I'll take good care of him on the inside, I promise